You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
