The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
