I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
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