i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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