i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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