I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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