hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
