i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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