at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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