Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
not ubering you a puppy
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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