I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Randomize
