Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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