I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
