is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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