So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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