we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
So vagazzling was a success
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
