Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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