What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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