you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
