he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
