my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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