i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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