I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
