So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
