i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
