Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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