I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
