I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
We have so much sex to catch up on
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
