how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
