Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
