Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
