you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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