So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
