I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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