Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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