No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
