You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
