It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
