just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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