dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Two words: nipple clamps
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