I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
