so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
