I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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