I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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