I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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