I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
