??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
