omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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