he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
