hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
it was like eating out sand paper
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
